The Zombification Pandemic

Notice that this is not called the “zombie apocalypse.” No, I didn’t give it a different name just so I could act like a hipster on a high horse that has better ideas than anyone else. Even if I am. The name is functional, and we’ll discuss it later. But for now I will abstain from calling it the zombie apocalypse. I will refer to it now as the zombification pandemic (unless I refer back to the classical theory of a zombie “apocalypse”).

As mentioned above, the fungus Ophiocordyceps is changing. Notice I only said the name of its genus, not the species. It is essentially known as Ophiocordyceps, because the Latin word that follows (sinensis, unilateralis) refers to the specific organism it takes over. Ophiocordyceps is its general name.

I state this seemingly irrelevant fact because it actually does matter—Ophiocordyceps is changing at an alarming rate. It is evolving more and more, targeting a wider and wider variety of species. It is truly remarkable. And here is where we can talk evolution.

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To predict the future of any species is no job for one man. For some support I contacted a chair theorist, Terrill Sebastian Jr., to describe the evolution of the fungus. Note that this evolution is with a lack of human intervention. We are right now talking about an ideal situation for the fungus, and so will only discuss as if it is a straightforward evolution.

It is beginning with insects in the rainforest. It is likely to move between phyla after it gains a bit of momentum in the Arthropodic persuasion. To a certain extent, its current use will be effective; however, it won’t work for other types of creatures such as the Chordates. To infect birds, fishes (and yes, it is “fishes,” not “fish;” the plural of fish is fish when there is only one species, or fishes when there are multiple species), or other creatures, exploding would result in a less than preferable amount of infection.

In a modicum of help, Terrill Sebastian Jr. designed an evolutionary mechanism, allowing for the possible spread of the fungus. It is likely that it will fail to spread continuing its passive regime. It is likely it will have to become a more interactive fungus, one that forces an individual to in some way come into contact with another (like birds, living in a tree together). Following this mechanism it can continue its evolution, controlling more and more complex individuals with a mixture of spores and interaction (it is not likely that spores will become extinct; it is more likely that due to mutation the interactive breed will arise and coexist with the spore-driven fungus).

It will likely spread to mammals, such as primates or pilosi, and once it reaches the outer edge of the forest it is only a small trip to indigenous tribes, or other human populations. We are pretty wide spread, after all.

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Note, I did not say “hostile.” I said interactive. I know, I know, you really want to fight off hordes of infected and mow down groups of people, but it is not likely to happen. First off, there is no indication that infected individuals work together. The fungus doesn’t care about killing the group, it cares about reproducing. That is its biological imperative.

Because the fungus only cares about reproducing, it doesn’t need other infected individuals to accomplish that; it will simply asexually spread to the next individual.

So let’s summarize what we have so far: An individual fungus will infect someone, and then either A) reach a high location and grow a spore to let it explode, or B) interact with you and infect you directly. To do this, it will not work in groups. You will only have to worry about one at a time.

The pandemic will be interesting, in that the air will be dangerous to breathe due to spores. The individuals likely to directly infect you will probably be noticeable through one thing: although it is impossible to tell physically that they are infected, they will most likely be uttering some gibberish; babbling endlessly. I claim this because the fungus will know what it can do; it will probably not know why it does it or what it accomplishes. It will know there are vocal chords, so it will activate them, in a nonsensical way.

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So, a zombie is a lone wolf that will either die and spread spores or babble and spread fungus on contact. Obvious, but lethal. Also important to note: the humans will have full control of their motor skills, i.e. the zombies will not shuffle. They will run. And chase. And spread the fungus to you, if they are near the end of their life.

They will also not be “invulnerable,” as we think. It won’t take a clip to drop one; you are essentially fighting another human. A shot from a .357 revolver or a lethal knife wound (let’s pray the fight doesn’t get that close quarters) would kill it, just like a human. There is no need for increased strength; there is nowhere along the evolutionary line in which that would develop.
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Sebastian, Terrill J., Jr. "Pandemic Ideology." Personal interview. 12 Apr. 2013.